Category: Being Mom


Rug

Rug

My room/office is very slowly still coming together. The clutter! The clutter! I’m still sorting through the clutter. But this feels good on my feet, and my new chair feels good on my back, and hand-me-down furniture is really the best thing ever.

rumbled paradise

rumbled paradise

And there’s something about a freshly-made-then-rumpled bed. I was staring at it longingly all day. From my desk. About three feet away.

flowers

flowers

and absent-minded flower doodles.

I’m having to deal with issues surrounding the person I’m forever having to deal with issues surrounding. It’s annoying and frustrating. (I wanted to qualify that with a “but” statement, but…But what?)

But…nothing.

And then there’s…that.

Lots going on this week. But tonight, it’s dancing in my room, writing, reading…the usual.

***

This made me happy today:

The Warriors never set foot in the Bronx

This might come as a surprise, seeing as how the movie revolves around a New York City gang trying to make their way from the Bronx’s Van Cortlandt Park to Brooklyn’s Coney Island, but filming only took place in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens. However, authenticity aside, The Warriors captured nighttime New York in a way that very few movies had previously, using some insanely brilliant and memorable locations.

Let’s see how many we can find.

http://www.scoutingny.com/?p=6629

CBS ALMOST gets it right:

In a special report on face recognition, 60 Minutes warns us that we have nowhere to hide — that our anonymous space is approaching non-existence. Framing the problem through a simplistic (and inaccurate) division between corporate and government deployments of the technology, CBS warns us that big business plans to exploit our faces for economic gain, whether we like it or not, while government plans to use the technology to keep us safe.

But all is not equal, the narrative says: according to the bureau, the FBI is bound by strict regulation and needs lots more data to be effective. Unfortunately, CBS repeats the government’s claims as journalistic fact — no matter that they are false.

http://www.privacysos.org/node/1065

This is amazing:

Foreclose on Banks Not People

Foreclose on Banks Not People

 

For more information:

Five years after Wall Street crashed the economy, not one banker has been prosecuted for the reckless and fraudulent practices that cost millions of Americans their jobs, threw our cities and schools into crisis, and left families and communities ravaged by a foreclosure crisis and epidemic of underwater mortgages.

Record profits are back at the bailed-out banks. Meanwhile:

  • Homeowners and communities have lost billions to Wall Street’s foreclosure crisis;
  • Millions more families face foreclosure in the coming months;
  • Communities of color have been impacted the most.

http://occupywallst.org/article/people_are_too_big_to_fail/

100 Days of Hunger:

Over the last three days Anonymous ‘Operation Guantanamo’ hashtags #OpGITMO and #GTMO have skyrocketed in popularity on Twitter, drawing attention to the 100th day of the inmates’ hunger strike, as their protest becomes a question of life and death.

http://rt.com/news/anonymous-twitter-guantanamo-strike-505/

Are you starting to see all of the connections yet?

Canada’s tar sands are the third biggest oil reserve in the world, but separating the oil from the rock is energy intensive and causes three to four times more carbon emissions per barrel than conventional oil. Hansen argues that it would be “game over” for the climate if tar sands were fully exploited, given that existing conventional oil and gas is certain to be burned.

“To leave our children with a manageable situation, we need to leave the unconventional fuel in the ground,” he said. Canada’s ministers were “acting as salesmen for those people who will gain from the profits of that industry,” he said. “But I don’t think they are looking after the rights and wellbeing of the population as a whole.

“The thing we are facing overall is that the fossil fuel industry has so much money that they are buying off governments,” Hansen said. “Our democracies are seriously handicapped by the money that is driving decisions in Washington and other capitals.”

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2013/may/19/tar-sands-exploitation-climate-scientist

This is beautiful:

UPDATE: Midland Avenue Neighborhood Relief will be helping and reaching out to our neighbors in Oklahoma.We have seen charities and so called relief agencies fall short when it comes to keeping compassion and humanity when people are in need of help after a disaster.We will be forwarding resources and funds to the people of Oklahoma whether it be delivering it through mutual aid networks with ourselves on the ground or diverting funds to proper efforts there.We stand with Oklahoma. We know ourselves firsthand what it is like to be left to our own means.Help us stand with them. https://www.wepay.com/donations/midland-beach-relief

In case you didn’t hear:

A massive, mile-wide tornado touched down in Moore, Oklahoma Monday afternoon, killing at least 51 people, including 20 children. A reporter from local news station KFOR supposedly called it “the biggest, most destructive tornado in the history of the world,” and estimated it was two to three times the magnitude of the massive tornados that hit Oklahoma in 1999.

http://gawker.com/the-biggest-most-destructive-tornado-in-history-just-508956719?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

And, on that note…

 

I’ve been sneezing all day & now in the dwindling hours I’m left feeling groggy and uninspired. So, I’m just going to post some links and be done with it…

 

Andalusia’s history is peppered with occupations of latifundias – huge agricultural estates dating back to Roman times – by landless workers. Mr Sánchez Gordillo claims these estates make up about 50 per cent of the region’s land, but are owned by just 2 per cent of Andalusia’s population. He says Andalusia is also covered, now, with dozens of empty industrial estates that are mute testimony to the unemployment that blights the region – one sits just 12 miles away from Marinaleda, where the only visible “green shoots” belonged to weeds flourishing amid the patchwork of rusting streetlights, crumbling service roads and pedestrian crossings leading nowhere.“It is true we form part of a tradition, but we’re doing something new here too: we’re insisting that natural resources should be at the service of people, that they have a natural right to the land, and that land is not something to be marketed,” says Mr Sánchez  Gordillo. “Food should not be speculated with either. It is a basic human right. We also believe in the [common] sovereignty of [food] as a way of profoundly changing agriculture in the world, not just one particular place.”http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/27-of-spaniards-are-out-of-work-yet-in-one-town-everyone-has-a-job-8612920.html

 

Art for Advocacy – 13 posters for sustainable social change: http://www.treehugger.com/slideshows/culture/graphic-advocacy-posters-digital-age/?utm_source=feedly

 

“The New York Times said: The U.S. Department of Justice secretly seized two months of phone records for reporters and editors of The Associated Press in what the news organization said Monday was a “serious interference with A.P.’s constitutional rights to gather and report the news.”” http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/us/phone-records-of-journalists-of-the-associated-press-seized-by-us.html?pagewanted=all

 

Monsanto’s practices both in the courtroom and on the farm have made the company increasingly the target of criticism in recent months, and a series of affairs in Washington has done little to weaken the opposition. Campaigns against the company have been renewed as of late following the passing of a congressional agriculture spending bill that included a provision — dubbed the “Monsanto Protection Act” by its critics — that provides legal immunity to biotech entities that experiment with genetically modified and genetically engineer foods. Additionally, the relationship between Monsanto and the country’s high court has been called into question since one of the justices, Clarence Thomas, formerly served as a lawyer for the St. Louis-based company.

On May 25, an international series of rallies to protest Monsanto is scheduled to occur with demonstrations planned on six continents. http://rt.com/usa/patented-monsanto-court-patent-210/

Speaking of which:

253203_4566817900761_434950789_n

“For many, many generations, women and children were told: don’t let yourself get raped, and if you do, for god’s sake don’t whinge about it. Don’t act like a slut. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t ever assume for a second that you have the same right as a man to exist in public or private space without fear of assault and humiliation. That message is slowly, finally, starting to change, so that instead, we’re telling men and boys: do not rape. Do not grope, assault, bully or hurt women, children or anyone over whom you have temporary power. Doing so will no longer increase your social status. If you do it anyway, you will find yourself publicly shamed and possibly up on criminal charges. This is the age of the internet, and nobody forgets.

Confronting structural violence is intensely painful. It’s like squeezing out an enormous splinter you hadn’t realised was there. The pain comes, in large part, from the understanding that you yourself might be implicated by virtue of easy ignorance; that you yourself might have stood by while evil went on; that people you know and trust and respect might very well have done terrible things simply because they thought they were allowed to. Questioning the morality of slave-owning was, until comparatively recently in human history, a minority position. It would be crass and simplistic to equate rape culture with slavery even if there weren’t complex historical links between the two. There is one important similarity, however, and that’s in the reaction when dominant, oppressive cultures finally wake up to the idea that evil on an immense scale has been taking place right in front of them.”

http://www.newstatesman.com/broadcast/2013/05/not-persecution-old-men-prosecution-rapists-and-we-should-applaud-it

 

Asparagus Pesto: http://www.yumsugar.com/Asparagus-Pesto-Recipe-30388639?utm_source=feedly

 

“Take a step back for a moment. Letting children have their own way? Doing just what they like? Wouldn’t that be a total disaster? Yes, if parents perform only the first half of the trick. In the cultural lexicon of modernity, self-will is often banally understood as brattish, selfish behaviour. Will does not mean selfishness, however, and autonomy over oneself is not a synonym for nastiness towards others – quite the reverse. Ngarinyin children in Australia traditionally grew up uncommanded and uncoerced, but from a young age they learned socialisation. That is the second half of the trick. Children are socialised into awareness and respect for the will and autonomy of others, so that, when necessary as they grow, they will learn to hold their own will in check in order to maintain good relations. For a community to function well, an individual may on occasion need to rein in his or her own will but, crucially, not be compelled to do so by someone else.

Among Inuit and Sami people, there is an explicit need for children to learn self-regulation. Adults keep a reticent and tactful distance. A child “is learning on his own” is a common Sami expression. Sami children are trained to control anger, sensitivity, aggression and shame. Inuit people stress that children must learn self-control – with careful emphasis. The child should not be controlled by another, with their will overruled, but needs to learn to steer herself or himself.” http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/may/04/leave-them-kids-alone-griffiths

 

Had a difficult time picking just one quote for this one, guys. This distresses me immensely. It’s like this: if we don’t start fighting back against these corporations in earnest, they will continue to treat us all as though we owe our souls to their company store:

“Exxon says it lets evacuated homeowners briefly visit their homes whenever they want. Thursday they decided that wouldn’t be the case.Shortly after stepping onto Senia’s property, we were both told to leave immediately by an unidentified Exxon official who said it was blocked off because of construction.”What I don’t understand is that we’re told that we have the right to be here as property owners,” said Senia. “We’re not in the way, we’re not bothering other people and sometimes they just kick us out.”Meanwhile, countless people from Exxon and other agencies go in and out of his home.”It’s very distressing,” said Senia. “Sometimes it feels like there’s an invading army just in your house.””http://www.katv.com/story/22212987/mayflower-homeowner-kicked-off-of-property-by-exxon

 

Artichoke Asiago Cheese Bread: http://kitchen-parade-veggieventure.blogspot.com/2013/04/artichoke-asiago-cheese-bread.html?utm_source=feedly&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AVeggieVenture+(A+Veggie+Venture)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Under the Moonflower Tree

Under the Moonflower Tree

A lot of discussions about rape culture and consent have been happening  lately. This story, though, was I think the first I’d read written intimately from the honest (though not very redeeming) male perspective about the subtle nature of consent. It made me think about situations I’ve been in, and how appreciative I’ve been about the boys/men in my life who understood boundaries, however confusing and passively enforced on my part…but also how overly-forgiving I have been about some men who have not been so understanding. How easy it is to take the blame. And how fucked up it is that I walk around feeling appreciative of people for NOT violating the most basic boundaries, rather than feeling absolutely freaking outraged about those who have.

I want to be clear, this is not regarding any experience I have had in my recent past. Lest anyone think of accusing anyone (or themselves) of wrongdoing. I’m pretty sure those who have overstepped are well aware of who they are, even if they refuse to admit it to me. BUT…to be fair (probably more fair than I need to be, but considering I am the mother of two young boys – probably necessarily fair, if only as a cautionary tale) what occurred to me today is that our culture sends so many messages to men and boys that tell them silence is consent, as a parent it is imperative to actively counteract that culture. NO MEANS NO, for sure. But so does “I don’t think so,” so does shying away, and so does silence.

This is why I’m so thankful for a post that I read on the blog Silence is not Consent about talking to children about consent. This morning, after I read that short story, the kids and I had a good discussion about consent. We talked about consent not being limited to the first time you have sex with someone; that it’s something that needs to be renewed before (sometimes even during (thanks for that reminder, K.)) each encounter. We talked about the fact that long term relationships, including marriage, are not implied consent. We talked about how “talking someone into” sex is not consent. We talked about safe words. We talked about enthusiastic yes(!) And I was reminded by a friend later in the day that most of us can perceive when someone is not enjoying him or herself. Sex should never be a compromise. It should never be “giving in.” It really should be something fun and eagerly approved of by all participating parties for the duration of the act.

My children responded: Mom. We are the children of a feminist single mother – I think we know all of this stuff.

But I didn’t let that stop me. hahaha. Because I would really hate to be the feminist single mother of a son who managed to grow up without a VERY CLEAR understanding of consent. So we also talked about validating the experiences of those who approach us to communicate difficult feelings about sexual encounters with anyone, including ourselves…and seeking to heal, rather than defend. In my opinion (and this might be difficult for others who have had any experience on the spectrum of what I’ll call sexually questionable behaviors) it’s entirely possible for someone to inadvertently violate the rules of consent. Or at least ignorantly. We live in a culture that so frequently projects fucked up ideas of what is and is not healthy communication with regard to sexuality, and within which so little is offered in the way of useful sex education, is it a wonder that we are confused about healthy boundaries? As difficult as it is to do so, I find myself empathizing for men who have crossed a line, almost as much as I empathize for women who aren’t experienced enough to understand that not saying no is not the equivalent of saying yes, and therefore blame themselves for whatever emotional damage they incur from not only the non-consensual experience, but the ensuing self-doubt that often occurs.

In short, as the mother of boys, it is MY responsibility to continue to make sure all of this is absolutely crystal clear. It starts with me. And that responsibility is where I start to heal.

*

(But not really)

(It only feels that way sometimes)

I was out of coffee this morning, so I had tea for breakfast. Ummmmmmmm.

Tea for breakfast

Tea for breakfast

Let’s just say it’s a good thing I also started the day reading a hippie peace magazine. I had no idea coffee was so much of a factor in the outcome of my day, but around 3, after a pleasant lunch with a friend, I was pretty freaking irritable.

My mood was probably not aided by the fact that late afternoon I went out to the garage to clean it, and decided I need to wait until the next bulk trash collection. Mostly, it’s a bunch of large items (read: mattresses) that need to be tossed, and every empty box for every single thing my housemate owns. I’m not sure why he’s storing all of that, but once we get rid of all of the dead computers, mattresses, and old bicycles, there will plenty of room for those types of eccentricities.

For now, however, the garage is an impenetrable, uncleanable wasteland. Especially in the middle of a day without coffee.

So, I gave in. I thought I had a handle on my caffeine addiction, but clearly it has a hold on me. I took Tao of C out to get coffee and muffins, and we sat out on the front porch, enjoying the lovely spring weather.

Precious Necter

Precious Necter

The remains of my butter rum muffin

The remains of my butter rum muffin

Shaunee

Shaunee

After that, I painted some patches of color on various walls of my room, to see how the light looked on them. I had two shades of green and a light lavender. I chose the lavender. It’s pretty close to this color (depending on your monitor, I guess):

Light Lavender

Light Lavender

The friend who was with me when I chose the sample colors was a bit put off by the prospect of a purple room, and persuaded me in the direction of the green, BUT…it’s such a lovely, subtle color I don’t think I can resist it. I kind of can’t wait to paint, but I have an awful lot of room cleaning/organization to do. And room cleaning/organization is making me feel like I need to do WHOLE HOUSE cleaning/organization.

One thing at a time, though.

I was talking to a friend about Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. I finished reading it yesterday. Several people have told me this is an amazing book. The book itself says that it “changes lives.” Truthfully, it just pissed me off. I mean, it wasn’t a bad story. Clearly, it held my attention for a few hours. I think the end of the book was the most dissatisfying to me. *Spoiler alert* (ish)

So, the book is about this man’s quest for spiritual enlightenment, and towards the end, the man gets married and he and his wife have a child, and he’s still not satisfied with his life, so he just takes off to find what he’s been seeking all of his life, ends up in the mountains somewhere and finally finds it.

Here’s the thing that pisses me off…how is it that anyone can just run off seeking enlightenment and leave the care of a child to their spouse (or even ex-spouse) alone? WTF, man? I mean, maybe they had some sort of agreement or something, but really? That shit doesn’t fly with me. Figure it the fuck out WHILE you are taking care of your responsibilities, please. You are no hero or positive role model or even moderately decent spiritual leader or teacher to me if you can’t at least be there for your family. Sorry. Most of us can’t just hide from our lives while we seek what we already have.

The whole thing made me feel blessed (again) for having somehow ended up in a philosophy class the summer of my 6th grade year. I’m not even sure how I managed to get into the class, but I do remember picking up the Tao Te Ching for the first time, and the fascination I felt for the concepts of Taoism. There were several passages that I copied down and kept with me always, particularly the one about the value of nothing:

Thirty spokes share one hub. Adapt the nothing therein to the purpose in hand, and you will have th use of the cart. Knead clay in order to make a vessel. Adapt the nothing therein to the purpose in hand, and you will have the use of the vessel. Cut out doors and windows in order to make a room. Adapt the nothing therein to the purpose in hand, and you will have the use of the room. Thus what we gain is Something, yet it is by virtue of Nothing that this can be put to use.

Lao Tzu

That passage defines my spirituality.  My journey. I like to joke with people that Taoism ruined me for all other philisophical endeavors. Why bother trying to puzzle out the origins or meanings of the universe? It just is. I don’t need to freaking isolate myself on a mountaintop to figure that shit out. In fact, that defeats the whole purpose! Duh. If you aren’t seeking enlightenment in the context of your everyday life, then why fucking bother? What you need to do is create your mountaintop within that context. THEN you’re golden.

That said, the idea of escaping to a mountaintop to be in solitude for awhile is definitely appealing to me.

My other favorite Taoist principle is The Uncarved Block. I like the way Flux (one of my favorite punk bands) interprets it:

Nature knows no divisions / one field runs into the next / Having erected fences / I am imprisoned inside my head.

If you can picture me as a high school student, you should picture me carrying around a huge notebook full of bad poetry with that quote on the cover. Because, pretty much, that’s where my head was at.

The best thing is that both of those quotes have evolving meanings that continuously adapt to the circumstances in my life. I always return to them, and they always direct me towards my center. And soothe.

Here’s another favorite of mine that I go back to all of the time. It’s from Jack Kerouac’s Scripture of the Golden Eternity, which I guess is technically more Buddhist than Taoist, but whatever:

A hummingbird can come into a house and a hawk will not: so rest and be assured. While looking for the light, you may suddenly be devoured by the darkness and find the true light.

It’s all about ebb and flow, baby. Ebb and flow. And being that humans are more than half comprised of water, I don’t have to go to a freaking mountaintop to observe that. I just have to listen to the murmuring brook inside of me and everyone around me.

***

Today, there is some good news:

BREAKING: Today we’re partnering with the Mayors Innovation Project to announce that *nine* US City Mayors have committed to pursue divestment. These cities join Seattle and San Francisco, bringing the number of municipal governments pursuing fossil fuel divestment to eleven.

SHARE to help spread this big news! The battle isn’t over yet, even in these ten cities. But let’s give a big thank you to these mayors for doing the right thing by their cities and the planet. We’ll be watching closely to see where they take it from here.

*UPDATE: We just heard from the Mayor of Santa Fe, and they’re in too!* http://gofossilfree.org/

Crossing fingers on this one:

“Michael Bishop, who is fighting to stop the Canadian tar-sands oil pipeline from crossing his property, asked a U.S. judge to invalidate TransCanada’s permits and order public hearings on Keystone’s route through Texas and Oklahoma. The Corps of Engineers is the federal agency that issues construction permits for projects that impact waterways and wetlands.” http://fuelfix.com/blog/2013/04/25/texas-farmer-sues-us-army-corps-of-engineers-over-keystone/

I like it when the State Department is rebuked:

The EPA has now issued a harsh rebuke to the State Department’s report, calling for a more careful study of the pipeline. The EPA questioned State’s conclusion that Keystone won’t have a significant environmental or climate impact, and slapped the overall document with the shoddy rating of “Environmental Objections Insufficient Information.” https://secure.sierraclub.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=10945#.UXnHR9l2NyA.facebook

 

I’ve been taking a mini vacation. A small escape. Holed up in my good friend’s house…dogsitting. Watching cable television. Today has been an endless blur of HGTV, 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, and Say Anything. And lots and lots of commercials.

And doing laundry. And writing in my journal. And dancing. Kind of the usual, only in a different place. With cable television.

I’m trying not to keep track of time too closely, but I have about 3 weeks left before I start my job. So. There’s that. It feels like forever, but there are some pretty major projects I want to complete before I have to start devoting 40 hours of my week to a job. I’m so glad I’ve been able to take some time to be by myself and reflect before I start ramping up.

Some habits I think I’ll keep:

  • Breakfast on the porch with a book
  • Blogging every night before bed
  • Walking, walking, walking every day
  • Chalk pastels on Sundays
Never Quit

Never Quit

Some habits I still need to establish:

  • Some sort of cleaning schedule
  • More regular cooking and baking
  • Business planning (and execution)

Projects I want to complete:

  • May Day picnic
  • Room rearrangement/painting
  • New HVAC unit
  • Clean out garage/yard sale

(That’s a lot…I’m hoping I don’t have to pare down, but if I do…the garage cleaning can wait.)

I’d also really like to shake the blues that tug away in moments of happiness. Shoo, blues!

Tree Shadows

Tree Shadows

Did you know there is a vacuum for ear cleaning? The WaxVac? Weird shit, man.

It’s really my favorite thing in the world. Tonight, I listened to punk rock & the rain & wrote in my journal. All in my freshly. made. bed.

I also had this conversation with Cole:

Me (taking a picture of my food): I’m blogging again, which means every moment of my life is way more interesting than it actually is.

Cole: yeah, that’s pretty much blogging on a nutshell.

Image

And read several items on the internet through the day:

Time Budgeting: https://medium.com/products-i-wish-existed/4f631ebb9b80 (I’ve written about this very topic here: http://choredork.blogspot.com/ and probably other places I cannot currently find. I’ll probably write more about it in the coming weeks, as I’m earnestly looking for someone(s) to help create the product that Ev is wishing existed.)

Watching Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon do Barry and Andy Gibb, and cracking the fuck up: http://youtu.be/E7c44rtpzPg

Dreaming about a positive outcome for this lawsuit against the EPA being brought by beekeepers, environmentalists, and consumer groups.

Looking at pictures of yesterday’s Tent City Action taken by John Jack Anderson of the Chronicle.

Finally putting some information up on the Education Never Ends Facebook page.

Reliving Nick Cave.

Reading this article comparing Online learning to University, which I will probably opine about later, when I’ve set up the Education Never Ends blog. (Also, really guys? MOOCS of Hazard?)

…and the day began with a confirmed appointment with a mentor at SCORE.

Which really just proves that the following also applies to jobs:

Image

How many blog posts start out with “I’m suffering from a severe case of writer’s block.” It’s like the modern day equivalent of a zinesters “Sorry this issue is late.” But it’s true in my case. I’ve been in denial that my lack of online presence has anything to do with internal factors, instead blaming it on the externals of Being Busy and Having Other Obligations.

If I’m honest, I’m not too busy. Creativity is a priority for me, so taking time to write should be part of that busy-ness. Yet, I find myself avoiding writing, both publicly and privately, even though I’m in serious need of an outlet.

Things here at the house are good, in spite of the overarching stress of an impending, potentially disruptive event. Both children are making progress towards their individual goals, and I’m doing my best to balance the needs of all of our family members with the resources available to each individual family member. I have plans in my head of perhaps traveling to New Orleans in December or January to visit a friend and get away from all of this…stuff.

In other words, we’re surviving. Sometimes thriving, sometimes not. Surviving You, Always…

Success, and Failure…

I am working on trusting myself. Assessing the damage. I’d like to assume I am bulletproof, but I am not. The other day, I surprised myself by bursting into tears, an act which used to occur far more frequently. Is it that I feel less, or that I’m better at suppressing? Has honesty become a commodity too precious for me to spare?

There’s a part of me that wants to hide…become anonymous. But there’s another part of me that says I am anonymous. If I don’t actively seek to share, no one will know I said it, and that’s fine. Those who seek me out will get what they seek.

In general, everything is fine. I’ve been playing the Sims a lot lately, attempting to exercise/exorcise my need to control by controlling my little e-families. I turned to Monk one day and said “My SIM doesn’t complain about his schoolwork.” Yes, I realize it’s ridiculous, but you do what you can. This world is a very strange place to live. This time is a very strange increment.

The writing prompt from WordPress is to write a letter to yourself at 14. I feel like I’m trying to do that in raising my children the way I am attempting to raise them. My letter would say this:

Dear L (or M…or C)…

Stop working so hard to be perfect.

None of the things you think matter matters nearly as much as you thought. And the things you think do not matter? Turns out those don’t really matter much, either.

Listen to the tao. Don’t just hear…absorb.

Be open to experiences, but maintain your distance from them. Remain critical, in a hopeful way. Trust your instincts, but please learn to differentiate instinct from fear.

Listen to punk rock.

Listen to folk rock.

Listen to the anarchists.

Read zines. Learn about community. Don’t forget, but if you do forget – you will be reminded, so don’t worry.

Don’t worry.

Live freely.

Love openly. Err on the side of kindness. It really fucking hurts to trust. I know. But trust anyway. Stay in touch with loved ones. Pay attention. STOP WORRYING. It really is true that within the margin of error and certain parameters, everything really does turn out ok. But don’t forget those who dwell outside of those parameters for whom things do not turn out ok. When taking risks, consider them, as well as yourself. Don’t confuse luck for skill. Don’t mistake circumstance for predestiny. Give more credit than you accept. Worry is negative goal setting. DON’T GET INVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND FULLY WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF INTO. It’s not selfish to conserve your own energy, provided you don’t make promises you can’t keep while preserving that energy. Be nice to your mama.

❤ Really think about what means the most to you & don’t let anyone interrupt or destroy those things.

And be thankful for what you’ve got…

This is just ridiculous, guys. Will you please wake the fuck up? They are arresting people all over the country today. FOR WRITING IN CHALK ON SIDEWALKS. Are you ready to admit that this is a nationwide coordinated effort to silence all dissent yet? Because I’m getting kind of tired of having to witness this crap and trying to convince you all that this is ACTUALLY happening. In our country.Image

Today, children and adults alike engaged in some very innocent play by drawing and writing in the sidewalk with chalk. We were expressing our right to free speech and assembly in a playful, impermanent way. The same way children have been expressing their rights to assemble and play for decades.The state troopers were gathered across the street, and an undercover agent (I shit you not) was parked across the street, watching us with binoculars. (I TOTALLY SHIT YOU NOT!)Image

We had enough time to do a significant amount of chalking before the 10 or so state troopers gathered up like they do. Sort of like a copflock. A murder of cops? At any rate, they huddled up, and soon approached en masse upon the 10 or so of us who were chalking and documenting the chalking.

Handcuffs out, they targeted two people: The guy with the mask, and the woman with the “Peaceful Streets” t-shirt on. Cuffed them, as we protested and questioned whether they even had jurisdiction where we were. The site was specifically chosen because it is public property and NOT on the capitol grounds. Maude knows we don’t want to have any more run-ins with officer “Can’t tell the difference between a neon green squirt gun and a real gun, so I can’t guarantee I won’t shoot your ass if you have a squirt gun out in my vicinity.”Image

That would be Officer Cummings, by the way. He was Officer Annoyingpants at the J4 celebration. Constantly interrupting our peaceful teach-ins to remind us that they were watching us and they wouldn’t let us get away with such nefarious things as Having Signs With Political Messages On Them, Drawing Flowers With Chalk, or Engaging in a Playful Water Fight On a Hot Summer Day, or Pitching a Symbolic Tent That Symbolizes Our Right to Fair Housing And Equal Consideration In Our Political Process, Regardless Of How Much Or Little Money We Have. He was the instigator-in-chief at this event, as well. I’m embarrassed for him. I asked him whether he plans to tell his children that he arrested people for drawing in chalk on the sidewalk today. I believe he’s the officer who told the children present that they were committing a crime and that chalk is destruction of property. I’m sure that seed will sprout into a healthy distrust of the police when those kiddos realize (if they didn’t already) that CHALK washes off and destroys NOTHING. (How hard is it to be a parent these days, when police officers do so many morally inappropriate things. How can anyone expect me to teach my highly skeptical children that they should obey laws because they are legitimate, and then have a police officer cite a law that is so completely illegitimate? Officer: You put me in an incredibly difficult place as a parent. I’m kind of used to being in that place, unfortunately, as I do my best to navigate the roles of activist parent, activist, parent, active parent, parent activist…while also attempting to do my best to allow my children the sovereignty to form their own ideas, even if that means their ideas often conflict with mine. Which is something I’m being asked to do a lot lately.

At any rate, after the two criminally mischievous ones were hauled away, Officer Cummings came across the street to shoot photos of our heinous crimes. (Remember, we are still talking about chalk, here.) Afterwards, he REACHED FOR HIS GUN as a random pedestrian made the mistake of running across the street without realizing that Officer Cummings is that trigger-happy dude who, as I said above, can not distinguish a plastic squirt gun from a real gun, a piece of chalk from an instrument of Criminal Mischief (class B, because I guess they had to justify having so many officers out for NON-PERMANENT CHALK THAT CAN BE WASHED AWAY WITH A BUCKET OF WATER.) and a guy trying to catch the light from a DANGEROUS PERSON ARMED WITH CHALK WHO MUST BE ELIMINATED. I am seriously concerned about Officer Cummings. Actually, I am seriously concerned that any member of our police force would choose to reach for a gun as a first response to any sort of pedestrian encounter without any solid eImagevidence or clue that said pedestrian, or anyone else in the vicinity, has any propensity to violence whatsoever.ImageIt’s a scary fucking world we live in where people can just be engaging in a harmless, fun, creative activity – A form of protest, but an entirely non-threatening, non-violent one – and can just be hauled away in handcuffs without any warning. I really thought I had seen it all when it comes to ridiculous police response for benign non-offenses. Apparently, I had not. I came away from our action today feeling yet more radicalized and at the same time more frightened of the erosion of my rights and the rights of all of us. It was sobering.

And like I came around to feeling about the arrest at J4, I very much feel like Audrey and Corey are superheroes for being arrested. They weren’t expecting it. None of us were. I mean, who actually expects to be arrested for chalking? We’ve all done it millions of times. The moment it becomes a crime is when it stops being “innocent” child’s play and starts becoming OUR CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH.
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As a parent, I know that kids can draw their own conclusions about that.

For the first time in many, many, MANY years, I am being asked to work a “normal” schedule at work. Up until now, my schedule has been pretty much Monday-Thursday and Saturday, and broken up over the course of 24 hours. Since the program I manage is an evening program, and we sometimes have activities on Saturdays, I imagine I might still have occasional strangeness in my schedule…but the idea of working within the hours of 8ish and 6ish Monday-Friday is vaguely comforting to me right now. Novel ordinariness in my life.

This change is causing me to re-evaluate my task management system that I’ve been using, where I just randomly choose areas to work on during periods that I’m not working. It seems the kids and I will now be able to work within a much more predictable framework. So I’m planning to spend some time reorganizing our daily, weekly, and monthly rhythms so they are less like unsyncopated jazz and more like, well, it will probably be more like straight-ahead three-chord punk rock – because I don’t think our lives will ever not be chaotic at the very least.

Right now, my planning system involves 7 focus areas:

Work

Kids

Community

Art & Education (I might consider splitting these up)

Friends

Fitness

Household or Housework

I try to spend at least an hour on each of these areas every day, but it doesn’t always work out – especially since work takes up a huge chunk of my day. What I might try to do is block out time on the weekend for larger household, kid, and art projects, and just sustain the rest of the week. Off the top of my head, my schedule might look something like this:

Monday

Work (8)

Kids (2)

Community (2)

Fitness (1)

Household (1)

Art/Education (1)

Tuesday

Work (8)

Kids (2)

Fitness (1)

Community (1)

Friends (2)

Wednesday

Work (8)

Kids (2)

Fitness (1)

Community (2)

Household (1)

Thursday

Work (8)

Kids (1)

Fitness (1)

Friends (2)

Art/Education (1)

Community (1)

Household (1)

Friday

Work (8)

Kids (2)

Fitness (1)

Friends (2)

Art/Education (1)

Household (1)

Saturday

Kids (3)

Household (3)

Community (4)

Friends (4)

Fitness (1)

Art/Education (1)

Sunday

Kids (4)

Household (4)

Friends (4)

Art/Education (2)

Fitness (1)

Of course, if I economize, and make the kids or my friends do housework and/or exercise and/or art/educational projects with me…that will leave me more time to lock myself in my room and be all by myself. 🙂

I’ll probably break this down even further and be more specific in the coming weeks. Because I’m nerdy that way.