UnrulyMom.Com

Happy New Year! Here is a free Patreon post that includes a link to my annual birthday mix, as well as general updates: https://www.patreon.com/posts/rises-moon-147098434?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

Please consider subscribing to my Patreon. I post on an erratic schedule about the various goings-on here at Unruly Farm, as well as sending out packages of curated printed material CREATED BY HUMANS. I even send hand-written letters and artwork that I make while I’m dissociating at my job. ❤

The last couple of days have had grey moments that portend winter, and I have switched my focus to hardcore cozy prep. The house has, for the most part, been fully reorganized. Tidy, it is not, but there aren’t things spread all over the floor of the mudroom and dining room, waiting to be put up. Those items are either in a general area where they will remain, or up on shelves to be sorted during the winter months. This month, I am focusing on my inner health and the outdoor spaces of my home. The coop has been insulated – it just needs some roosts and additional bedding, the front and back porches need to be cleared and garden supplies stored so they can be maintained, cleaned, oiled, and readied for next year. Garden beds need to be cleared and covered. Because my harvest has been minimal to non-existent, whatever vegetables I receive from farmer friends, the CSA and farmers markets are stowed away in various dark places or prepped, bagged, and frozen. Last month we made a big vat of chili and put away half, and this month we are preparing a vat of pasta sauce to have in the freezer. Little baggies of cabbage and onions and jalapenos are frozen for use in the endless bowls of ramen that will be consumed in the coming months.

This will be my third winter here, and I’m finally starting to understand the rhythm of the seasons, along with the countless mini-rhythms that spin off from them. Yesterday’s micro-rhythm was the changing of the bedlinens from the slick bamboo sheets I splurged on when I was temporarily wealthy to flannels and my faux-down comforter in a crisp duvet that makes a satisfying crinkly noise when I situate myself under it. It does such an efficient job at trapping my body heat that my midnight forays to the bathroom end with a satisfied “ahhhhhh” once I’m back in my nest. I’m swapping my house crocs for fuzzy slippers and considering getting more long-sleeved shirts with thumbholes cut out. I have supplementary heaters for my bedroom, office, and living room so I can cozy up in those spaces without moving the house thermostat up over 55.

When I look out of my windows, the grey sky is beautifully contrasted by the flame-colored leaves and still-green grass of the field across the street. Except for the asters and the as-yet-to-bloom daisies, the wildflowers in the yard have all gone to seed, and this year I discovered the inadvertent genius of letting the weeds grow around the coop and yard, as I watch the birds harvest the seeds. They leave the grain I throw out for them on the ground, but because the barn cats have been so effective at keeping the rodents away, it remains for them to peck at the next day. I’m glad for this brief reprieve from the pressures of feed costs, because winter is coming and feed is necessary and expensive in winter. I’m slowly adding protein-rich supplements to the scratch I throw out for them, and have set aside outdated grains and flour from my kitchen so I can make warm gruel as a winter treat for the flock. Next year the goal will be to have worm farms started in the spring so we have plenty of fresh mealworms and soldier fly larvae in the winter.

I have worked really hard these past two months to create a space for myself to relax in this home of mine. I am hoping to spend the cold seasons further sifting through and organizing, but also taking time to relax and enjoy my home with puzzles, good food, lots of reading, and snuggling in the big bed with my journals and planners.

I hope your autumn is equally cozy.

Solstice, 2020

It was 20 years ago when we spent the winter in Chicago after the birth of my youngest son. Unmoored and on the precipice of my life as a single parent, I ran away from home (to home.) The baby was relentlessly touch-hungry and spent all of his time attached to my body until we discovered the magic of the “vibro chair” into which I would buckle the clingy infant and proclaim “Set the vibro chair on stun!” before luxuriating in 20-30 glorious minutes of showering…or walking in the snow…or napping, maybe, unencumbered.

Before moving here, that was the last time I spent a significant amount of time in winter. My memories of the season before that are all disjointed, like snapshots from various periods in my life. The winter of my 25th birthday when I brought a boyfriend with me and he spent the entire time drunk and giggling, wearing woolen socks to the symphony. G & M threw me a big bday party and S’s girlfriend made spinach artichoke tip in a bowl made of bread and I still remember how delicious it was.

I remember snow on the ground when visiting my favorite pizza place with my mom when I would visit and in a blink I remember downtown in the little town where I lived – scurrying around buying gifts for everyone. I remember the winter the snow was dense and I was halfway to Clark Street when he yelled from Wellington “I LOVE YOU, L!”

I think it’s because holidays and birthdays that this time of year is so memorable, but also because the bite of the cold and the clarity in the air paints the brightest pictures.

Last year was our first year in Maine, and I have enjoyed reacquainting myself with winter. I’m taking things slow, but have been more present outdoors this year than last, due to the fact that I wake up every morning between 6-7 to let the chickens out. I try to get out to check on the birds on my lunch break, but by the time I’m off from work, it’s dark outside. A missed connection. If I’m not careful, the days sort of blend, one into another, without that shot of shifting landscapes to differentiate.

I just now realized the daylight hours are what I’m missing. The seasons here are so much more clearly defined than they were in Texas. I think I realized it last year, but this year I’m really FEELING it. I need to remind myself to linger outside in the mornings, and be intentional about going out on the weekends. I am always rewarded when I do.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about people who don’t think their ideas through to the logical outcomes. For a long time now, I’ve felt unsure about discussing politics in public forums, mostly because I am never entirely sure if I am right. However, I do spend a significant amount of time reading about history and philosophy, and while I do not think I am the greatest at remembering specific timelines or finding words to make the connections – I do understand context. I also feel very confident that my actions are typically aligned with my beliefs, and so are my philosophical beliefs. So, I can honestly say I agree with the above cartoon. Libertarianism is really motherfucking dumb.

Which is not to say that we shouldn’t be oriented towards liberation. It’s just to say that I firmly believe my personal liberation is fundamentally bound to the liberation of all. I also believe every action has a consequence, and while I am not a fan of strategy games I do know that it’s important to consider all possible outcomes before committing myself to action. On a micro level, it’s why I’ve spent all weekend doing “chicken math,” and trying to figure out how to configure my poultry situation so everyone is happy. On a macro level, I have been thinking a lot about consensual accountability within groups. I feel like strong social bonds and meaningful relationships that are built on a framework of limiting or eliminating interpersonal harm is what SHOULD separate radicals from reactionaries.

It’s definitely a lot to think about. I’m very much an introvert and an extreme loner, but damnit if I don’t freaking NEED other people. And, because I need people, and I have a need for peace of mind, I don’t want an offhand or unconsidered action to hurt someone. And if it does, I want that someone (or someone who witnessed) to let me know, so I can avoid doing it again. It’s kind of that simple.

With this in mind, it’s really interesting to observe how chickens flock together. Prior to today, my flock consisted of 9 birds. Four of them are bantam, five are standard sized, all are cochins. I chose cochins because they are docile and friendly birds, usually. I was hoping to have at least one friendly rooster, and I ended up with at least 4…probably 5…POSSIBLY 6 out of 9 roosters.

One of the roosters is clearly the dominant roo. He is the one who wakes me up in the morning with constant crowing beginning at 6 AM. He’s a sweet bird, and he follows me around like a dog. However, he was partial to the two little bantam hens to a torturous degree that was difficult to watch. For awhile, it was sweet that those bantam ladies, along with one of the bantam roos (NOT Aranea – who is the other bantam roo and is a bit of a loner) would fly up onto my head and shoulders every morning to get their fair share of mealy worms without drama or trauma.

Knowing I was going to have to split up the flock anyway, I set up a separate pen, assembled a prefabricated coop, and created a cozy little threesome with Nellie and Joy (the two little splash bantam hens) and Charlotte (their sweet rooster.) It’s been really nice to see them able to relax and act like normal chickens, rather than constantly running in terror from the giant cockerel. Charlotte seems to treat them well, even though he’s become kind of aggressive towards people. I may be adding some older hens to the flock to see if they will help me keep his ass in line.

I guess what I’m getting at here is there are always consequences to actions. The “chicken math” is about finding the best possible combination of variables to provide everyone involved with the best possible outcome. Today, I added 6 lovely cochin pullets (young hens) to the flock. They are super sweet and docile, and I kind of don’t even want to introduce a rooster to their whole situation. So it’s back to chicken math, trying to figure out what combinations will provide the best outcomes. Since we have a meat-eater in the house, it’s not out of the question that one of the roosters will end up in the freezer, but I would prefer to find a creative solution to my overabundance of roosters, and maybe learn a little bit about how to balance the needs of a flock in the meantime. Maybe a chicken version of The Bachelor (which is a show I have never watched, but I imagine it suits the scenario? Or maybe the bachelorette?)

I’ve also been trying to read more. That zine above called Colonization and Decolonization is what I’m working on now. It has me thinking a LOT about how propagandized our high school history classes are. I wonder if the reason I was not interested in history for so long was because it felt so much like lies. When I discovered REAL history that is not tempered with patriotism and nationalism, I became more interested in it. Because when making choices about politics, I feel it’s pretty damn important to understand things contextually. At any rate, that particular zine is a very well-sourced and PERFECTLY edited concise history of colonization, and even though I know a lot of that history – it’s eye-opening to see it condensed into zine format in a thoughtful and thought-provoking way.

One of my few vivid memories of high school places me in my sociology class. I was listening to a lot of punk rock, which is where I learned a lot of the historical references that inform my thought today. The teacher was giving us “a quiz” – asking various questions that were meant to spark a discussion about politics. One of the questions he posed was “My country, right or wrong.” Do you believe this is how it should be?

I was shocked to discover I was in the minority of people in my class who thought this was a harmful statement. I probably should have been more shocked that this was the first time I was able to discern the political/philosophical leanings of my classmates, as many of them were aggressively displeased that I disagreed with them. There were other questions of this ilk, for which the answers of my classmates were disturbingly nationalistic. I have spent a long time thinking about this, and continue to this day. When thinking about folks who support politicians or policies that I feel are harmful, I remember that classroom, and that teacher, who – though he was careful not to reveal what he thought was the “right” or “wrong” answer – I felt was firmly in my corner.

I’m not sure I have a point here, except that I’ve been thinking about this. How people form opinions, particularly harmful ones. And also how deeply we are propagandized in our public schools. Our history textbooks normalize genocide in the interest of maintaining an illusion of “exceptionalism.” But the reality is that descendents of colonizers all have blood an our hands, and the VERY LEAST we can do is learn about history so we can vigilantly guard against repeating before we even have a chance to attempt to repair the damage we have done as a society and culture.

So, that’s just a peek into my thoughts this week…accompanied by some pics of my lovely situation here in Maine. ❤ Now I need to go to sleep!

First of all, congratulations, and I’m sorry. Congratulations for raising a human being who cares enough to put their body on the line to defend and protect their and others’ communities. I’m sorry this courage comes with possible costs. As a mother and a protester, I wanted to make sure you have information to calm your anxiety and keep your kiddos safe.

In general, our kiddos know more than we give them credit for and are completely capable of taking care of themselves and their comrades. It’s also true that sometimes our kiddos think they are more capable than they actually are. Whatever the case, do your best to communicate with them well before they hit the streets to make sure they are prepared and know that you have their back.

The following is a brief list of things you might want to mention to them, and things you may want to consider or do yourself at different stages of the protest.

Before the Action:

Is your kiddo attending trainings or meetings in advance of the protest? Often groups will hold “training camps” to convey important safety information and group guidelines. If your youth is attending anything like this, please make sure the group that is conducting the training is well-organized and open to questions, and encourage your young adult to bring a friend or two along, even if those friends aren’t necessarily going to protest with them. You might even consider going yourself! If they aren’t being conducted by a group your kiddo already knows well, these trainings should be all-inclusive and welcoming to the community. Avoid and discourage attending any trainings that are conducted in secrecy by people you and your offspring aren’t already familiar with.

If they are able to go to a pre-protest training, they should find out how to identify medics (typically medics are identifiable by red crosses,) legal observers (typically legal observers wear green hats,) and others who can provide information during the protest. It’s good to form associations with trusted folks who can be asked for help during the course of the protest. Whether there is a training or not, it’s a good idea to ask if there will be any legal aid or jail support available should anyone be arrested. Having that information in advance can give you tremendous peace of mind if your young one is snatched up.

If there is no in-person pre-protest training, there may be information posted online or elsewhere. Encourage your family member to not be shy about asking for information in advance. Most open protests are organized by SOMEONE, usually a group of someones, and those organizers will want you to have access to information that will keep you safe.

Encourage your kiddo to participate with friends. While it is possible to go it alone, it’s not recommended to be out there on your own. If they do not have a buddy, offer to be there for them to check in periodically. Set a check-in time and a plan for what to do and who to call if they do not respond. If you have any friends who will also be attending, see if you can arrange an on-site check-in. This is not helicopter parenting. This is keeping your loved one safe. Hopefully, if your kiddo is woke enough to be out in the streets defending the lives and rights of others, they will understand that you want to defend and protect them. However, if they do not want to check in with you, encourage them to check in with a trusted friend, and try not to take it too personally…as long as they are checking in.

You might suggest the smaller group of protest buddies that your kiddo is involved with share their full legal names and birthdays with you, their family members, and trusted friends who are supporting them offsite. This will help if anyone is arrested, especially if there are any folks involved who do not have the same loving support you are providing. If you want to communicate in a private and secure way, have everyone download end-to-end encrypted messaging apps, such as Signal or Telegram.

Make sure your kiddo knows that they will want to follow the lead and listen to the voices of those who are most directly impacted by the consequences of any action they individually, or the group collectively, takes. Without judging, find a way to discourage any actions that might endanger those among them who are likely to be targeted for disproportionate retaliation. Encourage them to defend and protect those among them who are vulnerable to this targeting. If they’ve made a commitment to be there, they should be ready and willing to support the cause and take care of their comrades. Protesting is a group and community activity. There is no room for “lone wolf” actions. Hopefully all of the good parenting you’ve provided up to this point has instilled an understanding of structural imbalance and oppression. If not, if your kiddo is white or enjoys any structural privilege, you might want to discourage them from attending until they understand how to ensure they are not reproducing oppression in the streets.

The Day of the Action:

Make sure your kiddo has a healthy meal and dresses for success! 

• DO NOT WEAR CONTACT LENSES OR JEWELRY
• Comfortable Shoes
• Multiple layers & cover skin
• Goggles or shatter-resistant glasses for front line
• MASK UP! 
• A bicycle helmet can be helpful in case of police aggression

Ask if they’ve packed a bag with some or all of the following items:

• First Aid kit with bandages, antibacterial ointment, aspirin or ibuprofen, gauze, alcohol wipes, disinfectant, and any essential medication in original packaging
• Dry bandana
• Baby wipes – water-based – OR – paper towels in solution of baking soda/water
• Eye drops
• Pen, paper, markers
• Snacks and water
• Backup battery/charger
• Important numbers
• Towels & extra clothes in second bag for extra cushion

If you have a phone number for legal aid, it’s a good idea for your kiddo to write it in permanent marker somewhere on their body – preferably hidden, so it doesn’t look like they are asking to get arrested. Advise them to watch their backs, always have an exit route, try not to get separated from their group, and stay centered on their personal limitations and boundaries. The day of the protest is NOT the time to plan some sort of daring, heroic act. Those kinds of actions take a lot of time to plan and are generally carried out by groups of people with emergency exit plans in advance.

During the Action

Try not to worry too much! Almost every protest I’ve been to is a life-affirming experience where people on the ground take good care of each other. Regardless, your little birdy has flown from the nest for now, and no amount of worrying will help. See if you can find some livestreams of action on the ground to keep track of the general tenor of the action. If you have other parent friends whose kids are attending – check in with them to relieve the stress. Breathe. Take a bubble bath. Do those self-care things you do when you are worried. Try not to check in too much. You want your kiddo to be alert and not worried about you worrying about them.

What to Expect if They Get Arrested

Getting arrested in a protest can be a frightening thing for the person being arrested and the loved ones who support them. Generally speaking, though, the jail time is minimal and if a whole group is arrested, there is some degree of solidarity among the protesters that can be helpful in surviving the situation. Usually there are lawyers willing to do pro-bono work to get protesters released and charges dropped, but that doesn’t really help you when you are worrying about your sweet baby, I know. (Sorry for any kiddos reading this, but most parents will ALWAYS consider you their “sweet baby.” They just will. Get over it, man! It’s because we love you!) If you were provided information in advance, go ahead and get in touch with those folks. If not, contact an organizer of the protest to see if there is any organized jail support. Usually jailed protesters are released within 24 hours. Arrest and arraignment records are public, and you should be able to access them on the internet.

Often times, supporters will congregate outside of the jail for a “noise rally” to let the jailed protesters know folks are there for them. Organizers will also typically order food and comfort items to give to jailed protesters after they are released. You should be welcomed and celebrated by organizers doing jail support, and it’s typically a very safe place for you to be if you want to be around other people while you wait for your loved one to be released.

Once the jailed protesters have been released, if charges are not dropped, the appointed lawyer, or the lawyer you hire, will work with you on your case. It is often true that charges do not stick and, barring extremes, most protesters will not even see real jail time. However, it is important to document everything immediately to ensure the best case possible. 

Conclusion

I hope the information contained in this zine has been helpful to you. Please feel free to reach out if there is any information that you feel is unclear or incorrect, or any important information you feel needs to be added. This blog post will be a living document until I’m sure we’ve covered everything we can reasonably cover, and then I will publish it as a zine.

Stay safe, protect your communities, and see you in the streets.

Sincerely,

Unruly Mom

Crustacean Zine Library

Oh Shit! What Now?

For more information, please refer to our other zine “Protest 101.”

Hey all of whoever reads this. It’s been awhile. I’ve been thinking about posting, but quite honestly I feel like the stuff I’m going through in life requires a much more secure form of processing. I miss blogging – but it’s the community of bloggers I miss more than anything. I have thankfully usurped most of that community into my daily social media feeds, but do we really share the way we used to? There are so many opportunities for nefarious behavior on the internet, and so little opportunity for sincere connections. I miss those days when one could form an honest and intimate friendship with someone based strictly on the words they wrote. When blogs weren’t about buying and selling products, and the popular blogs weren’t immediately monetized. Yes, that world once existed. Perhaps there’s a subculture in which that aesthetic still does exist, but I haven’t experienced it in blogging for a long time.

Things have been rough here this past month, and it’s difficult to see past the difficulty right now, though I know I will eventually. No one ever told me that these little beings I created would eventually grow up and their feelings about life would complicate my own feelings about life so dramatically, but that’s where we are. I worked so hard to guide them through life and not let harm come to them, only to reach a point where it turns out the harm has been contained within them all along. The call is coming from inside the house, and there is nothing I can do to unplug that phone. All I can do is stand here on the outside with a warm blanket and a place to crash when they finally emerge from the struggle. I’d love to be able to tell you that it’s easy to do that, but everything in my body wants to run into that house and kick the ass of the knife-wielding lunatic that is threatening them, but I’m trapped out here with this damn blanket, trying to hold it together so I can mitigate the damage – and not add to it – when they emerge.

I am thankful that my place of employment values my work as a parent and therefore allows me time off to stand here with this blanket while I wait for them to emerge, and even extra time to make sure they are safe and warm, before I am forced to return to work. I am fortunate that this is the case, although I’m angry that it takes luck for anyone to be able to tend to loved ones when they desperately need tending to. I’ve taken 2 weeks so far, and it looks like I’ll need another 2 weeks to ensure everything stabilizes around here before I go back.

I’m using my time to tend to myself as well. Cooking healthy meals, taking walks, spending lots of time getting dog snuggles, driving grown children around town and to various appointments and social functions. Writing in my journal. Establishing a rhythm of the day/week/month. Little things that fall apart when a 40-hour workweek is my primary focus.

I thought I would have more energy for organizing, but it seems that my brain is rejecting anything that feels like work or that doesn’t immediately fulfill the needs of those in my direct care. Anything else feels like swimming through a sea of honey – tempting at first, but ultimately just a big sticky mess that doesn’t allow for any forward progress. Wishing I could go back to a time when it was easier, but realizing…it’s always been pretty fucking difficult. There have just been times when the work has been more rewarding. And the work will be rewarding again. I know it will. But right now – it’s pretty fucking unrelentingly unrewarding.

One thing about blogging that was helpful and that I miss is the tracking of progress. So, this is where I am right now. I might not write every day, but I will try to write once a week or so. For the purposes of tracking. Let this blog be the rope that anchors me as I plunge into this otherworld of gelatinous goo. I will emerge periodically, scrape the caul from my eyes, and write again.

❤